Say ‘Good night!’ and Go

The video above is United 300. The winner of the recent MTV Movie Awards. I couldn’t think of anything else to share off the top of my head.

Speaking of my head, I do vividly recall the time I was goofing about with an old pair of skates that didn’t quite fit. We didn’t have a helmet, so I was unprotected. I think I was around 11 or 12 at the time. I held on to the bars in front of the windows and let my feet scramble uncontrollably (just like in those cartoons). Somehow, I let go of the bars when the skates came loose and I remember falling, hitting the side of my head on to the concrete floor. A second later, when the white fog lifted from my eyes, this was the first thing that came to mind: “Cool! My head BOUNCED!”

Because I had done something silly and was liable to get a scolding, I didn’t mention this incident to my parents. There was no swelling, no cuts, no apparent damage and surprisingly, no pain.

Today, while surfing the health pages (I was looking up astigmatism because the optometrist said my astigmatism was really bad), I came across ‘Concussion‘. While I did see stars (one of the symptoms of a concussion), what’s more alarming is this:

Occasionally, a person who has a more serious concussion develops new symptoms over time and feels worse than he or she did before the injury. This is called post-concussive syndrome. If you have symptoms of post-concussive syndrome, call your doctor. Symptoms of post-concussive syndrome include:

* Changes in your ability to think, concentrate, or remember.
* Headaches or blurry vision.
* Changes in your sleep patterns, such as not being able to sleep or sleeping all the time.
* Changes in your personality such as becoming angry or anxious for no clear reason.
* Lack of interest in your usual activities.
* Changes in your sex drive.
* Loss of your sense of taste or smell.
* Feeling that you are spinning, whirling, falling, or tilting. These describe vertigo, or a sensation that you or your surroundings are moving when there is no movement. Vertigo may make you lightheaded or nauseated, and you may throw up. You may also have trouble standing or walking and lose your balance.

What alarms me is that I think I finally know why I can never remember what Mum told me. She blames it on my not paying attention to her. But I do listen! It’s just that it feels as if my memory has been wiped out and I have no recollection of our conversation. So that first symptom is what I have. I only seem to remember trivial things, such as birthdays of people who don’t remember my own birthday or even me! Considering I have very few close friends, I have loads of irrelevant birthdates stored in memory. March 25th - LPK, May 4th - YSF, May 10th - AC, May 23rd - a crush, June 1st - an a**hole who called me an aborigine in class when I was in Form 4 (or 5), among others. All these people don’t remember who I am, I’m sure.

Whoa! Been away for some time and today.com has changed! I’m liking it…

 Yes, I am still alive. I haven’t updated because there hasn’t been anything new  to talk about. I am still jobless. Got rejected from a resort for being too highly-qualified (with my IT degree), eventhough I made it clear that I was more interested in a Customer Service-type position. I guess being Employee of the Year ‘95 (Most Guest Compliments) doesn’t count for anything these days.

I know the job situation is dire right now. Imagine, the government is telling their sponsored students overseas to remain where they are and find jobs there after graduation. They do not want them coming back here to fight for the limited positions available. What hope is there for an average student like me who has a degree from a little-known (then) university college? And I didn’t even mention the F that tarnished the last phase of my final year project (which wasn’t even my doing!) .  Suffice to say, I dare not apply for an IT job.

 Went to the photo studio to get my passport photo done. No, I am not going anywhere. There’s this photography site that sells photos that have been submitted by their members and the only way I can start selling my photos is to verify my identification using a passport scan. That’s RM300 for a 32-page passport. My last passport expired in 2003. In that passport, I only had two immigration stamps (besides the stamps from the Malaysian Immigration Dept) from two countries - the US and Canada. I doubt if I’ll get any stamps in this new passport. But hopefully, it may mean getting some money for my photos (if they are good enough). I think it’s $0.25 per photo purchased. And I will only get a cheque if the amount has reached $100, I think. It’s my only hope of an income right now. I’ve tried Adsense and Amazon and they both haven’t earned me anything (nobody clicks and nobody buys).

 The only reason I’m planning to sell my photos is because my three submitted photos at Interfacelift have been downloaded more than 31,000 times since June 2006. Okay, perhaps the fact that they were free had something to do with it. I’m not counting money I haven’t got yet. It might take me years to earn enough to get a cheque. *sigh*

During the orientation at the training centre for that second scheme, a speaker mentioned that it might be easier for us to apply for jobs overseas, such  as Australia. But with a degree like mine? I don’t think so. I checked with the New Zealand immigration website and my qualification isn’t recognized. I only have a three-year degree and it’s from an unrecognized uni. Without experience to strengthen my qualification, I don’t meet the requirements to apply for that work permit/visa. So it doesn’t matter if IT is in the Skill Shortage List. And if I got a job offer from a NZ employer, they would have to prove to the NZ govt that the position cannot be filled by a New Zealander.

And it’s just my luck that the NZ govt has made an agreement with the Thai govt to allow Thai workers in NZ to work on vineyards. I could stomp grapes.

 I chatted with him again last night since my last post about the whole drama thing. We talked like we used to, and he got me laughing and smiling again. This time, I wasn’t the loyal puppy begging for attention. When I saw him log on to YM, I simply made myself visible. I didn’t attempt to initiate contact like I used to. He said that he wanted to say ‘hi’ and see how I was doing. I am glad that we are still friends. He made a bad decision (using ‘grandkids’ in that letter) and didn’t realize that my feelings (which I tried to control) would snowball into something I couldn’t handle. Thank goodness there weren’t any bunnies to boil. 

I also told him that I didn’t take down his parents address. I had just checked it out online last year. And he explained that it had changed and the address was no longer in use. He didn’t sound freaked out or angry, and I suppose it was also due to my not being angry or argumentative. Or maybe he was just being patient.

It’s late. Time for bed. I hope you’re happy I updated, Steve.

p/s: How many blogs on Today are there? How come my blog is listed among the popular blogs on today.com? Hmmm…

What Would I Give?
- Christina Rossetti (1864)

What would I give for a heart of flesh to warm me thro’,
Instead of this heart of stone ice-cold whatever I do;
Hard and cold and small, of all hearts the worst of all.

What would I give for words, if only words would come;
But now in its misery my spirit has fallen dumb:
Oh, merry friends, go your own way, I have never a word to say.

What would I give for tears, not smiles but scalding tears,
To wash the black mark clean, and to thaw the frost of years,
To wash the stain ingrain and to make me clean again.

=================================================

L. E. L. (Whose Heart Was Breaking For A Little Love)
- Christina Rossetti (1859)

Downstairs I laugh, I sport and jest with all;
But in my solitary room above
I turn my face in silence to the wall;
My heart is breaking for a little love.
Tho’ winter frosts are done,
And birds pair every one,
And leaves peep out, for springtide is begun.

I feel no spring, while spring is wellnigh blown,
I find no nest, while nests are in the grove:
Woe’s me for mine own heart that dwells alone,
My heart that breaketh for a little love.
While golden in the sun
Rivulets rise and run,
While lilies bud, for springtide is begun.

All love, are loved, save only I; their hearts
Beat warm with love and joy, beat full thereof:
They cannot guess, who play the pleasant parts,
My heart is breaking for a little love.
While beehives wake and whirr,
And rabbit thins his fur,
In living spring that sets the world astir.

I deck myself with silks and jewelry,
I plume myself like any mated dove:
They praise my rustling show, and never see
My heart is breaking for a little love.
While sprouts green lavender
With rosemary and myrrh,
For in quick spring the sap is all astir.

Perhaps some saints in glory guess the truth,
Perhaps some angels read it as they move,
And cry one to another full of ruth,
‘Her heart is breaking for a little love.’
Tho’ other things have birth,
And leap and sing for mirth,
When springtime wakes and clothes and feeds the earth.

Yet saith a saint: ‘Take patience for thy scathe;’
Yet saith an angel: ‘Wait, for thou shalt prove
True best is last, true life is born of death,
O thou, heart-broken for a little love.
Then love shall fill thy girth,
And love make fat thy dearth,
When new spring builds new heaven and clean new earth.’

I got (highly) emotionally invested with this fellow after ‘knowing’ (to put it loosely) him online for over a year. Can’t really say it was a full year because he kept going AWOL on me. Since I’m not really expecting anything due to the fact that we haven’t actually met, it didn’t bother me.

Continue Reading »

There’s a site called Interfacelift.com that selects digital image/photo submissions accepted from the public for the purpose of supplying desktop wallpapers to all for free. I think I’ve submitted around 8-10 photos with only three being good enough to be selected. I was under the false impression that the number in parentheses beside ‘Add To Favourites’ was the number of downloads for my photo. Two photos had 8 and the other had 6. I was just happy that it wasn’t 0 (thus confirming that the Interfacelift people made a mistake selecting my photos).

Tonight, I decided to update my account. After doing so, I noticed the ‘Download Stats’ button. I clicked on that and was astounded when I saw these figures:

6,302 downloads
14,927 downloads
8,512 downloads
Total 29,741 downloads

OMG! There are actually people - more than 5, who think my photos are good enough to be downloaded! Well, maybe they downloaded them and then deleted when they realized they made a mistake. And then they got amnesia and downloaded them again. Repeat process till the numbers have escalated into the thousands. Yup, that has to be the explanation! I still can’t believe the numbers. All this while, I thought there were 22 kind souls who had downloaded the shots. I’m stunned to learn that there are 29,741 kind souls!

Hmmm, just imagine if each paid US$1! *gasp* No, I won’t think about that. I’d go crazy thinking of the possibilities. XD I can still dream though. Of course, if I told my parents about the numbers, they’d want to know if I got paid for my efforts. I may as well just keep quiet. =D

Exactly a month ago, I submitted an entry to the Gh0st R1der contest. This was after Mum brought the paper to me to check out. There would be two winners for the Grand Prize (Timex watch worth RM509), three winners for 1st (Gh0st R1der T-Shirt worth RM200), three winners for 2nd (Gh0st R1der metal key-chain worth RM120), three winners for 3rd (GR silver note book worth RM80), three winners for 4th (GR Collar Pin worth RM80), three winners for 5th (GR Bandanna worth RM60) and finally, thirty winners for Consolation (US version GR Poster).

I figured that with so many prizes to be given away, I’d have a chance at getting the Poster. Earlier tonight, I decided to check the copies of the previous Sundays’ ‘Cars, Bikes, Trucks’. Mum had already tied up the stack of old newspapers under Dad’s writing desk, and usually…I wouldn’t have bothered checking because she usually warns me about messing up her neatly-tied stack. Something spurred me on though. So I carefully untied the knot holding the papers together and proceeded to look for the Sunday editions. The first copy didn’t have anything. The second copy, dated March 18th had something about it. The first thing I noticed was that they misspelled my name. They omitted the R in my first name. Ugh. I’m SURE I wrote it clearly! Oh yes…what prize did I win? My name was first on the list for 2nd! I got the overvalued metal key-chain! Yaay for me! Before the list of names, there was mention that a representative from Buena Vista Columbia Tristar Films would get in touch with the winners. It’s been a week…Have I missed the call?

I caught a TV show on Channel [V] earlier this evening and it was called ‘Breaking Up With Shannen Doherty’. The premise of the show is to help a person break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend (or not, as in the case of the couple that I saw). When I switched to Channel [V], I saw the tail end of the first part of the show. A girlfriend was suspicious of her boyfriend (he was being secretive and shifty) and Shannen came up with a plan to make it appear as if the girlfriend was being arrested for a crime and the ‘cops’ had to question the boyfriend (’What is your relationship with her?’-type questions). It turns out that the boyfriend had a live-in girlfriend somewhere else (which explained why she never got to see him at his home) and the jerk kept bragging about his being a ‘player’. He truly sounded pathetic and Shannen was clearly P.Oed with the guy.
Errrm, I’m getting sleepy now. I think I’ll continue this tomorrow. Hey, since it’s already past midnight, I guess I should say ‘later today’.

Take care!

Okay, so I am back in the mood to add to this post.

The next segment featured a girl who has been in a relationship with this marriage-shy guy for 5 years. She was prepared to give him the ultimatum. Either marry her or it’s Teletubby bye-bye. Well, not in those words exactly, of course. The plan was to hire the boyfriend to be Shannen’s personal assistant and get him to relay the message to Shannen’s fake boyfriend that if fake boyfriend wasn’t willing to take it to the next level, then she was dumping him.

To cut a short story shorter, commitment-phobe boyfriend has no choice but to comply and proposes to her on TV. If I were the boyfriend, I would have been really angry to be forced into that situation. But I understand the girl’s situation. There, end of my post now. On to next post. Maybe later.

My Dad moved the praying mantis from the passionfruit plant and transferred it to the jasmine bush. He told me this when I got back from TESDEC. I peered intently at the leaves and branches and noticed that they were covered by a fine layer of cobwebs. ;( It doesn’t look good for our mantis friend, I’m afraid. I’m a little upset that my Dad wouldn’t check out the prospective locations first. He should have just waited for me to come home before attempting the relocation. I would have put it either on the chilly plant, the lime plant or the orchid plant.

Hi, I’m back for the weekend! Survived more dust and walking 1km to class as well as climbing up three flights of stairs.

Just before the lunchbreak on Thursday, we were told to write a summary about the last two topics we covered. The last time I did a summary was aeons ago and I never did like writing them. So I began with the one paragraph and flipped through the text and wrote down most of the important bits. Less than a full page.

I looked at my friends’ papers and they looked like they were writing notes! One even had formulas included. Well, I couldn’t be bothered thinking about my summary and passed it to the instructor after class.

Two hours later, we’re back in class and the instructor asks, “Sharlini, did you take the STPM?” I nodded that I did in fact sit for the Malaysian Certificate of Higher Education. Then she asked the rest of the class if anyone had taken it as well, and there was no response. She then added that her sister had done her Sixth Form education and that there was a distinct style to people with that education. She further elaborated that my summary was nice to read and that each sentence was connected to the topic (or something to that effect - I was too busy getting red and wishing I could blend in with the carpeting). Mission to blend in with the rest of the class: FAILED. XD