Say ‘Good night!’ and Go

I got (highly) emotionally invested with this fellow after ‘knowing’ (to put it loosely) him online for over a year. Can’t really say it was a full year because he kept going AWOL on me. Since I’m not really expecting anything due to the fact that we haven’t actually met, it didn’t bother me.

Of course, he kinda grew on me like a lichen I couldn’t scrape away, slowly creeping and invading what was left of me. So while I was away at that training centre, I would always look forward to going home for the weekends, hoping that I’d come home to an e-mail or two. And I’d usually be disappointed. But I didn’t let it get to me, I figured he has a life and a job and his routines way before he ‘met’ me, so who am I to complain? Fine. Then he e-mailed to thank me for the birthday wishes and the birthday card I sent him. The next day, he wrote to let me know that he would be online and available to chat. Alas, he hadn’t read my e-mail to him explaining that I would be on that 3-day orientation. He did say that he would write back to me by the end of the week.

So I waited. The week ended and another one began. So I wrote. No reply. Fine…he had to be busy. Then I decided to check his games profile to see when was the last time he played pool. And he had been playing hundreds of games since he e-mailed me last! It did occur to me that perhaps he hadn’t been reading his e-mail, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I wrote again, jokingly pointing out that he’d rather play than say ‘Hi!’ to me in an e-mail.

Still nothing. Oh man, hell hath no fury. I stayed up late every night hoping to see him come online just in case he wanted to chat, and all I saw were those games he was playing, updating every minute. I wrote him another e-mail, telling him that I felt really hurt knowing that he’s rather play pool than write a line of e-mail (I don’t ask for much!). With that e-mail also (what I felt was ignored) unanswered, my fatigued, hormonally-charged mind went on the offensive. I got angry, I got creepy (not quite Glenn Close-bunny-boiling-creepy), saying that him treating me like that made me wish I stopped waking up in the mornings.

Yes, yes…I know. I admit that they creeped me out too. But a mind that lacked sleep, influenced by hormones and missing him too much did not want to stop and re-read what was written. It was ‘Send’ all the way!

And then one fine night, I got the idea of looking through the Game rooms to look for him. And I found him. I entered the room and then started talking (in front of his opponent, no less). Explained to his opponent my version of reality. That effectively prompted him to get on YM to talk to me. He explained his situation very clearly and said that he hadn’t been checking his Yahoo e-mail account. (Oops!). That’s when I told him that he could delete some of the e-mails I sent him because they were scary. Of course, do they every listen? NO! Off he goes to read the e-mails I sent and he said that they were a little creepy (I think he was putting it mildly). Anyways, I do think my little stunt didn’t go down well with him. He did admit that he should have let me in on his situation.

I went off to play against someone at another table and he came in to say that he’d talk later after work. I said ‘okay’, and so did my opponent! I couldn’t be too sure who he was addressing his statement to. So the next morning, I hunted him down again. I found him, and just stayed and watched him play. He didn’t say a word to me. I was quite happy just watching him play - sort of like basking in the glow of his presence. Oh yes, that does sound creepy!

I think any sane person would drop me like a can of rotten sardines (unless it was an episode of Fear Factor) after that experience. Oh yeah, did I also mention that I kept listening to Keane’s “Hamburg Song” and that made me bawl like a baby? I was so convinced that he was ignoring me and that he wasn’t really that interested any more. So Hamburg Song + lack of sleep + hormones + being ignored = creepy me.

Since that conversation on YM, there’s been no other correspondence. I think I’ll just let him do what he wants. Somehow, while playing pool to de-stress seems like a good idea, I don’t think it’ll make whatever he’s experiencing any better. Sort of like having a deadline and deciding to take a break to watch ‘Heroes’. The deadline’s still going to be there after the hour is up.

I’m pretty sure I screwed it up. But on hindsight…it CAN be rather amusing, don’t you think? Well, I insist that it’s amusing, so there! XD Okay, I’ll shut up now.

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