Say ‘Good night!’ and Go

Woke up at 7am and was probably brushing my teeth at 0707 today. Had a breakfast of fried rice and tea. Was out of the house by 8:35am and reached the security area by 8:45am. Filled in my name and the time I arrived in a book marked ‘New Staff’. Went up to Admin and waited. Soon after another new employee joined me. Made small talk and Faiz said that he was starting as a cashier.

Someone finally called us at around 9:40am. Went into that small interview room and we filled in and signed some documents. Heard the guy brief us about the rules and regulations.

Left belongings at the security office (there were some lockers there) and followed the guy through the warehouse/store (which smelled heavily of onions), before parting the heavy plastic barrier into the store proper.

HR guy led Faiz some place and I waited til the HR guy returned. He led me to the Customer Service office at the other end of the store. Introduced myself to the staff there and soon there were customers coming in about their incorrect receipts. One of the female staff there then led me to the Redemption counter. She was placing me there for now (I think, I don’t mind being there at all). Made friends with the staff there, chatted when there were no customers at the counter.

Then I took a receipt from someone (without looking at them) and he recognised me. It was Hussein the bellman from the hotel I used to work at. He was very surprised to see me. He asked if this was a temporary job, and I didn’t answer him. I asked how it was at the hotel and if all the Assistant managers were still there. He then told me the sad news that Encik Rosman (one of the nicest AMs there) is stricken by liver cancer and the doctors have no hope for him. He’s now relying on traditional medicine. Poor Encik Rosman. It seems that bad things are happening to good people.

Lunchtime, I followed my colleagues and these two other female staff to a restaurant. I had brought my own food and thankfully, they didn’t shoo me away for bringing in my own food. I was eating happily until … woe! The men started to light up and smoke after their meals! Ugh…I just hated it. I couldn’t even finish the last quarter of my chicken sandwich. I made it known to one of my colleagues that I couldn’t eat there because of the cigarette smoke, and she said that I could eat at the female locker room. We went there after our lunch and it seems pretty comfortable. They had plastic tables and chairs for the female staff to eat on. They had a clean toilet area and a ‘changing’ room which had nothing but a few sleeping staff. The lockers covered the walls surrounding the spacious eating area. I think I’ll be getting a locker tomorrow. Don’t need a lock because I’ll have my combination lock with me. =)

Oh yes, the counter shares space with the popcorn/candy floss selling area. That means I smell popcorn constantly (can’t smell it by the afternoon) and see candy floss bits floating in the air. I keep wishing I could catch those with my mouth. Shhh…

Everybody seems nice and friendly, but the Bangladeshi guy who makes the popcorn/candy floss looks kind of creepy! I’m sure he’s just happy to have someone to talk to in English, but the way he looks at me with his half-closed eyes with that smile -*cringe* Mum told me NOT to buy any popcorn or candy floss from him because “he could put a charm on you!” Ummm, yeah. After a whole day of smelling popcorn, I don’t think I’ll be buying any popcorn any time soon.

So, if you want to redeem items, I know for sure what I can give you:

Nescafe Refill - Red Nescafe mug
Super Root Tongkat Ali (something or other) - Floral mug
Another Super Root variant - Green Mug
Fresh and White Toothpaste - Bowl
Darlie Toothpaste - Bowl
Dutch Lady 123/456 - Cornflakes
Dutch Lady Body Partner - Mug

One of my colleagues was impressed that I could pick up and do the work quickly (I’m sure I either missed giving some items or gave items that weren’t meant to be given!).

The redemption counter also exchanges money for 50-sen coins for people whose kids want to get on those rides.

Starting from Sunday until Thursday (inclusive), I’ll be on the Afternoon Shift - 1pm til 11pm, with an hour’s break between 5 and 6pm. I’m just glad I get to sit down.

That’s it from me. =)

I received a call this morning from the branch manager of a hypermarket here. He wanted to see me and we arranged to meet after lunch.

I had submitted an application form the previous Thursday and didn’t think I would hear from them again after meeting with an IT employee. She mentioned that they were seeking someone with experience.

When I met with Mr. Muru this afternoon, he asked if I was really keen on the IT position. Well, I felt my chances slipping through my fingers. So I said that I was also open to anything relating to Customer Services. I then proceeded to show him my Employee of the Year 1995 certificate.

He looked at it and then said that they were looking for Customer Services staff as well. Hmm, lucky me. He added that I could work under the Customer Services dept and then learn about the IT system they use. I could be in Customer Service half the time, IT Assistant for the other half.

I am rather pleased about it because:

1) I get to do something I’m quite good at (customer relations)

2) I get to utilize my IT knowledge (even if just a tad) and learn something new.

He said that he’ll discuss matters with his boss (regarding my pay) and call me again in two days’ time. I could start work on the 1st of July! Yaay!

Dad says I should start learning to drive. And he says he’ll try to find a second-hand car. I told him to find a third-hand car, so that I won’t be afraid to crash it. Hehehe…I am indeed evil.

I think they don’t keep shift times like they do in the hotel. I do not want to be there at 7am, while customers only arrive at 10am.

The video above is United 300. The winner of the recent MTV Movie Awards. I couldn’t think of anything else to share off the top of my head.

Speaking of my head, I do vividly recall the time I was goofing about with an old pair of skates that didn’t quite fit. We didn’t have a helmet, so I was unprotected. I think I was around 11 or 12 at the time. I held on to the bars in front of the windows and let my feet scramble uncontrollably (just like in those cartoons). Somehow, I let go of the bars when the skates came loose and I remember falling, hitting the side of my head on to the concrete floor. A second later, when the white fog lifted from my eyes, this was the first thing that came to mind: “Cool! My head BOUNCED!”

Because I had done something silly and was liable to get a scolding, I didn’t mention this incident to my parents. There was no swelling, no cuts, no apparent damage and surprisingly, no pain.

Today, while surfing the health pages (I was looking up astigmatism because the optometrist said my astigmatism was really bad), I came across ‘Concussion‘. While I did see stars (one of the symptoms of a concussion), what’s more alarming is this:

Occasionally, a person who has a more serious concussion develops new symptoms over time and feels worse than he or she did before the injury. This is called post-concussive syndrome. If you have symptoms of post-concussive syndrome, call your doctor. Symptoms of post-concussive syndrome include:

* Changes in your ability to think, concentrate, or remember.
* Headaches or blurry vision.
* Changes in your sleep patterns, such as not being able to sleep or sleeping all the time.
* Changes in your personality such as becoming angry or anxious for no clear reason.
* Lack of interest in your usual activities.
* Changes in your sex drive.
* Loss of your sense of taste or smell.
* Feeling that you are spinning, whirling, falling, or tilting. These describe vertigo, or a sensation that you or your surroundings are moving when there is no movement. Vertigo may make you lightheaded or nauseated, and you may throw up. You may also have trouble standing or walking and lose your balance.

What alarms me is that I think I finally know why I can never remember what Mum told me. She blames it on my not paying attention to her. But I do listen! It’s just that it feels as if my memory has been wiped out and I have no recollection of our conversation. So that first symptom is what I have. I only seem to remember trivial things, such as birthdays of people who don’t remember my own birthday or even me! Considering I have very few close friends, I have loads of irrelevant birthdates stored in memory. March 25th - LPK, May 4th - YSF, May 10th - AC, May 23rd - a crush, June 1st - an a**hole who called me an aborigine in class when I was in Form 4 (or 5), among others. All these people don’t remember who I am, I’m sure.

It hasn’t rained in the afternoons for weeks now. It starts getting uncomfortable after lunch. The backs of knees start getting sweaty and sticky. Lying on my bed in front of the laptop is no fun when the parts of my body that make contact with my bed start feeling the heat I generate. And when dark clouds gather and there is thunder in the distance…it’s no use getting one’s hopes up. The clouds dissipate and soon it’s bare, blue skies!

It’s times like these that I welcome the thought of dying of hypothermia instead of heatstroke. I want snow!! I want Seattle rain, darn it!

The days have been sweltering hot! My room is like a sauna and I can’t bear to lie in bed in front of the laptop. Even with the fan on, my legs get all sweaty and I feel horrible. I don’t have a shower because I know I’ll end up being sweaty while I’m having my shower. It’s THAT bad! Even now, in the wee hours of the morning, conditions aren’t comfortable.

Note to self, today is 1st nephew’s 13th birthday. Wow, he’s officially a teenager now.

I’ve been checking out Facebook lately. I don’t remember when I exactly joined. I do recall checking it out last year, but it wasn’t accepting registrations from people on this side of the world. Anyways, I made a total of 12 friends. But it you took away the eight I already know, then I just made four friends. One is a politician who actually knows my brother-in-law. I don’t expect to be sending him messages after the initial “you don’t know me but you might know my brother-in-law”.

Upgraded my Streamyx to the 1Mbps package @ RM77 a month. We get to keep the modem. I feared that my Tertiary package was expiring and I needed to choose a package that enabled me to keep my modem. Well, my Dad went to the TMpoint branch to find out more and when he came back, he had already upgraded.

That’s all from me for now. Bye all!

Just after lunch on a Saturday afternoon, I went to have my passport and driving license photos taken. They would be ready the next day. They turned out all right when I went to get them and then it was a short walk to the immigration dept at Wisma Persekutuan. Took the stairs to the first floor and got my number - 1032. The number being attended to then was 1030. Just about a minute after 1031 was called, my number was called to the same counter - 6. Surely it was a mistake, because the man holding 1031 was still at the counter. Anyways, I just went to the counter and the immigration officer told me to take a seat. At another counter, 1033 was called.

Hmmm, did I just miss my turn? I went back to the counter and another officer figured that the officer at counter 6 must have inadvertantly hit the button twice. So I waited for 1031 to be done while 1034 and the rest of the sequence went to counter 7. Soon, I was called to counter 6 and I gave my ID, the form, and my old passport. That’s when he asked for the photocopy of my ID. Eh? I didn’t know I had to bring that along. Left the stuff there and went across the road to get my ID photocopied. I’m sure plenty of people have forgotten about that too. Took me less than 10 minutes to get it done and I raced back to the dept. Someone was being attended to and I waited. When I spotted a window of opportunity, I decided to slip the photocopy to the immigration officer. I didn’t want to wait and have him think I wasn’t coming back or forget about me. Then I waited. I think it took an hour before it was my turn again.

I informed the immigration officer that one of the details on my ID was wrong (I am not a Hindu). Then he started having problems with the system. Every time he hit the Esc key, he would get an error message. He asked a passing oficcer and she told him to try the ‘Enter’ key. I guess that worked. And then he got another error. No matter how many times he entered the new number, my previous passport number would be displayed. But he persevered through that and the slow system. He told me I could change my name if I wanted, but I still couldn’t change it to the name I preferred (first name and surname). In the end, it became ‘First Name’ ‘Surname’ ‘Father’s First Name and Surname’. So it looks like I have both a female name and a male name. I guess I’ll have to get married to have that settled.

He asked me for my ‘race’ and I told him I was of Chinese-Indian parentage, so he decided to put me in the ‘Lain-lain’ (Other) category. Yay, I am officially an ‘Other’.

Got my thumbs scanned (more than once due to the dodgy system), and then I left my thumb-print on the form I submitted. I paid the RM300 and got my receipt. I was to return the next day (after 2pm) to retrieve my new passport. I thanked the officer by name (he had his name tag) and left.

The next day, I felt a little lazy after lunch, so I dawdled. Then it rained heavily. It finally stopped around 3.30pm. The sun shone brightly and soon all signs that it had rained barely 40mins ago were gone. Reached the immigration office around 4:05pm and my number was 2039. 2031 was currently being attended to and I waited for my turn. I think about 30-40 mins had passed before it was my turn. I bid the officer a good afternoon (it was him again, different counter) and he seemed to remember me. He retrieved my passport from a bundle in a tray, and then hit it against the edge of the counter. Hmmm…maybe it’s something like slapping a newborn baby’s behind? I signed the form I had submitted the day before and then signed my new passport. I thanked the officer again and left.

Where am I going? Nowhere! I need a passport to verify my ID before I can submit (what I hope are worthy) photos to a stock photography site. I just hope that my trusty point-and-shoot camera can pass muster at the site. All I can say is that if a photo is accepted, I will get US$0.25 per download. IF there are parties interested in my photos. I guess I’ll have to keep my fingers, toes and eyes crossed.

So I got back and showed Dad my passport. I told him I could run away now. I could go find someone in NZ, marry him and they would not have to worry about me any more. Ha, if only it were that simple! Life is so unlike a romance novel. My life, at least.

All right then. Time for me to sleep. Take care! Hope I didn’t bore you to tears with this entry.

Whoa! Been away for some time and today.com has changed! I’m liking it…

 Yes, I am still alive. I haven’t updated because there hasn’t been anything new  to talk about. I am still jobless. Got rejected from a resort for being too highly-qualified (with my IT degree), eventhough I made it clear that I was more interested in a Customer Service-type position. I guess being Employee of the Year ‘95 (Most Guest Compliments) doesn’t count for anything these days.

I know the job situation is dire right now. Imagine, the government is telling their sponsored students overseas to remain where they are and find jobs there after graduation. They do not want them coming back here to fight for the limited positions available. What hope is there for an average student like me who has a degree from a little-known (then) university college? And I didn’t even mention the F that tarnished the last phase of my final year project (which wasn’t even my doing!) .  Suffice to say, I dare not apply for an IT job.

 Went to the photo studio to get my passport photo done. No, I am not going anywhere. There’s this photography site that sells photos that have been submitted by their members and the only way I can start selling my photos is to verify my identification using a passport scan. That’s RM300 for a 32-page passport. My last passport expired in 2003. In that passport, I only had two immigration stamps (besides the stamps from the Malaysian Immigration Dept) from two countries - the US and Canada. I doubt if I’ll get any stamps in this new passport. But hopefully, it may mean getting some money for my photos (if they are good enough). I think it’s $0.25 per photo purchased. And I will only get a cheque if the amount has reached $100, I think. It’s my only hope of an income right now. I’ve tried Adsense and Amazon and they both haven’t earned me anything (nobody clicks and nobody buys).

 The only reason I’m planning to sell my photos is because my three submitted photos at Interfacelift have been downloaded more than 31,000 times since June 2006. Okay, perhaps the fact that they were free had something to do with it. I’m not counting money I haven’t got yet. It might take me years to earn enough to get a cheque. *sigh*

During the orientation at the training centre for that second scheme, a speaker mentioned that it might be easier for us to apply for jobs overseas, such  as Australia. But with a degree like mine? I don’t think so. I checked with the New Zealand immigration website and my qualification isn’t recognized. I only have a three-year degree and it’s from an unrecognized uni. Without experience to strengthen my qualification, I don’t meet the requirements to apply for that work permit/visa. So it doesn’t matter if IT is in the Skill Shortage List. And if I got a job offer from a NZ employer, they would have to prove to the NZ govt that the position cannot be filled by a New Zealander.

And it’s just my luck that the NZ govt has made an agreement with the Thai govt to allow Thai workers in NZ to work on vineyards. I could stomp grapes.

 I chatted with him again last night since my last post about the whole drama thing. We talked like we used to, and he got me laughing and smiling again. This time, I wasn’t the loyal puppy begging for attention. When I saw him log on to YM, I simply made myself visible. I didn’t attempt to initiate contact like I used to. He said that he wanted to say ‘hi’ and see how I was doing. I am glad that we are still friends. He made a bad decision (using ‘grandkids’ in that letter) and didn’t realize that my feelings (which I tried to control) would snowball into something I couldn’t handle. Thank goodness there weren’t any bunnies to boil. 

I also told him that I didn’t take down his parents address. I had just checked it out online last year. And he explained that it had changed and the address was no longer in use. He didn’t sound freaked out or angry, and I suppose it was also due to my not being angry or argumentative. Or maybe he was just being patient.

It’s late. Time for bed. I hope you’re happy I updated, Steve.

p/s: How many blogs on Today are there? How come my blog is listed among the popular blogs on today.com? Hmmm…

I am all fine now. No worries. I needed to unleash all my pent-up frustrations and wallow in self-pity (and no, it wasn’t just about him). While I did shed a few tears, they weren’t enough to result in swollen, reddish eyes that would have indicated to my parents what I was going through.

My plan worked. My inner creepiness did get him to be frank with me. He had written some things in his first (and probably the last) letter to me which I took literally. He was actually trying to be playful by mentioning things like ‘grandkids’. Well, I didn’t exactly plan all of this. Perhaps my subconscious took over because I was done being in limbo. I couldn’t talk to him on YM because he never did log on. I tried e-mailing him and those ended up unreplied (only because he hadn’t checked his e-mail). I had to do something and I admit it was a little extreme. Extremely creepy. But not Glenn-Close-Fatal-Attraction-Bunny-Boiling creepy. To his benefit, he was apologetic and admitted his mistakes. He still wanted to be friends (but with my confession that I had done it to find out what the situation was - who knows what he wants now).

Whatever happens, I’ll just go with the flow. Let’s hope I get a job at that resort on the island and I can look forward to fresh starts. Meeting new people (who aren’t younger than me), getting a salary again…

I found a protected post that I had written about him and the last line went something like this: “You can’t lose something you never had, can you?” And that is so true. And that is why I’m back to being me.

Hamburg Song
- Keane

I don’t wanna be adored
Don’t wanna be first in line
Or make myself heard
I’d like to bring a little light
To shine a light on your life
To make you feel loved

No, don’t wanna be the only one you know
I wanna be the place you call home

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don’t want to know
I give much more
Than I’d ever ask for

Will you see me in the end
Or is it just a waste of time
Trying to be your friend
Just shine, shine, shine
Shine a little light
Shine a light on my life
Warm me up again

Fool, I wonder if you know yourself at all
You know that it could be so simple

I lay myself down
To make it so, but you don’t want to know
You take much more
Than I’d ever ask for

Say a word or two to brighten my day
Do you think that you could see your way

To lay yourself down
And make it so, but you don’t want to know
You take much more
Than I’d ever ask for

=============================================

** This song always makes me cry because it’s so true! I’ve always given more than I ever asked for. *tears up*

What Would I Give?
- Christina Rossetti (1864)

What would I give for a heart of flesh to warm me thro’,
Instead of this heart of stone ice-cold whatever I do;
Hard and cold and small, of all hearts the worst of all.

What would I give for words, if only words would come;
But now in its misery my spirit has fallen dumb:
Oh, merry friends, go your own way, I have never a word to say.

What would I give for tears, not smiles but scalding tears,
To wash the black mark clean, and to thaw the frost of years,
To wash the stain ingrain and to make me clean again.

=================================================

L. E. L. (Whose Heart Was Breaking For A Little Love)
- Christina Rossetti (1859)

Downstairs I laugh, I sport and jest with all;
But in my solitary room above
I turn my face in silence to the wall;
My heart is breaking for a little love.
Tho’ winter frosts are done,
And birds pair every one,
And leaves peep out, for springtide is begun.

I feel no spring, while spring is wellnigh blown,
I find no nest, while nests are in the grove:
Woe’s me for mine own heart that dwells alone,
My heart that breaketh for a little love.
While golden in the sun
Rivulets rise and run,
While lilies bud, for springtide is begun.

All love, are loved, save only I; their hearts
Beat warm with love and joy, beat full thereof:
They cannot guess, who play the pleasant parts,
My heart is breaking for a little love.
While beehives wake and whirr,
And rabbit thins his fur,
In living spring that sets the world astir.

I deck myself with silks and jewelry,
I plume myself like any mated dove:
They praise my rustling show, and never see
My heart is breaking for a little love.
While sprouts green lavender
With rosemary and myrrh,
For in quick spring the sap is all astir.

Perhaps some saints in glory guess the truth,
Perhaps some angels read it as they move,
And cry one to another full of ruth,
‘Her heart is breaking for a little love.’
Tho’ other things have birth,
And leap and sing for mirth,
When springtime wakes and clothes and feeds the earth.

Yet saith a saint: ‘Take patience for thy scathe;’
Yet saith an angel: ‘Wait, for thou shalt prove
True best is last, true life is born of death,
O thou, heart-broken for a little love.
Then love shall fill thy girth,
And love make fat thy dearth,
When new spring builds new heaven and clean new earth.’